How to Live with Family

So recently we moved back home from out of state. We had a pretty significant change of plans that required us to pack up our stuff and move back home with my fiance’s family. And while it is temporary, it is probably one of the most difficult situations I’ve had to deal with. I love his family, but gosh, it is hard to live with family.

We had only planned on being there for a few months while we bought a house a couple of hours away, but things did not go as planned. Our house plans fell through when they pulled the house we were closing on off the market all of a sudden, leaving us to search for a different house. Living with the family went from expecting to stay for maybe 2 months to actually staying for almost a year.

At first, I felt pretty bad about the situation because it felt like a huge step backward for us even though it was temporary. We had been on our own for a while, so the new situation was difficult for me to adapt to. But I had actually found out that it is more common than you would think to have to move in with family now, with the housing market craziness and rising prices of everything. Making friends with another mother in the same situation helped so much.

So, our new schedules, butting heads, and smaller living quarters made for a frustrating time. It has been very hard, but we have been making it work the best we can. My fiance and his father do not get along at all, so this has just added to the urgency to find a house for us, but here are a few tips if you find yourself in the same situation.

Try to be understanding

Yes, this is going to be hard. It’s a new situation and change can be hard, but try to be sympathetic to each other. If the boxes are still stacked up in the foyer or the coats are thrown all over, try to understand before complaining or yelling.

There was an issue recently when a bunch of boxes got delivered to the house. This was not a normal occurrence for us, but it is the holiday season and they were not supposed to arrive on the same day. But as luck would have it, they all showed up together making a stack in the front porch. Instead of trying to understand the situation, there were complaints right away. How the heck is Santa supposed to get the presents here?

Set up a schedule

Sometimes, setting up a schedule is necessary. Whether it’s for kitchen time, bathroom time, or laundry time, setting a rough schedule can help avoid butting heads or even being late for things. I know it sounds kind of extreme, but it actually can help.

I actually have an unspoken agreement with my fiance’s mom. When she gets home from work, she gets the kitchen until about 7 pm when I get to make dinner for my family. And she gets the bathroom in the morning until 7:30 am when she leaves for work, but we get the bathroom at 9 pm for bedtime routines. She is more than willing to work together to make it work, but my fiance’s father will not at all.

Talk to each other

It seems obvious to communicate with each other, but you would be surprised how many arguments happen because there was no communication between people. Something as simple as leaving a note or letting somebody know about something can keep things running smoothly.

Unfortuanatly, my fiance doesn’t talk to his father at all because they honestly can not talk to each other without yelling. There are some deep-seated issues between them that go back years, so my fiance’s mother and I tend to act as the middlemen for them. If we don’t communicate, all hell breaks loose.

Clean up after yourself

Just because you are backing living with your parents, does not mean it is their responsibility to take care of you or clean up after you. If you make a mess, clean it up. If you have kids living with you as well, clean up after your kids since they are your responsibility. This is just common courtesy, but it has to be said.

This absolutely drives me nuts. I cannot stand when I leave a room clean and come back an hour later and it’s a disaster. Or when I mop a floor and a person who has never mopped a floor in their life walks all over it with their shoes while it’s wet. Excuse my little rant, but this is one of my biggest issues with living with the family.

Set up some boundaries

Setting boundaries is very helpful in a situation like this especially if there are kids involved. If you don’t want grandparents disciplining the children, set the boundary. If you don’t like someone opening your mail, you need to let them know. If you don’t want your mother washing your underwear, set a boundary.

We didn’t set a ton of boundaries, just to stay out of the kids’ play area and not to move our stuff without telling us. I don’t care if grandma disciplines the kids or gives them treats all the time (she calls it her grandmother rights), I just don’t like the kids toys being touched all the time since they still put their hand in their mouth. She doesn’t like her mail being moved or anyone doing her laundry, so we respect her wishes.

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Now, some of this stuff does not work in my own situation due to some very stubborn men. But it all works wonders with my fiance’s mother even though we are so different. I don’t think we have ever really had any issues that were not resolved with a 2 minute conversation and a plan, so these tips really do work with some people.

If you don’t want to try any of these things or they don’t work with your family, just treat others how you want to be treated, hope for the best, and try to get back on your feet as soon as possible! Good Luck!